I had to block him - He wouldn’t stop calling, even after I said no

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column in THE STAR, but this is the first time I am writing to you. I have seen where you have helped many of us young people, and I hope you can help me.

I am 20 years old and I am still living at home with my parents and two older brothers. My father is not doing well, but my mother is strong. My brothers are very helpful. I look up to them for guidance. I thank the good Lord; I have not had to go with a man because of need.

My father inherited a house which he repaired and has rented to tenants. My brothers collect the rent and use it to help take care of our parents. My mother is still working, and whatever she makes she shares it with me.

One of my brothers has a girlfriend. She has a job so she does not pressure my brother for anything. He has made it clear to her that I am in college and he has to help me. Sometimes his girlfriend ask me if I need anything, and I tell her no because that is how I was brought up.

My mother taught me not to give an impression to anybody that we can't live without their help.

About a year ago, I met a man and we started to talk. I told him I was living at home and he said he is looking for a woman to live with him. He said that he is working and he could take care of her. I told him I was not interested in living with any man, and that the only time I would live with a man is when I get married. I also told him that I am in college, and that I did not have marriage on my mind. Additionally, I told him that my father is not well and I have to help my mother to take care of him.

Despite all that I have said to this man, he kept calling my phone. He kept telling me that he can't sleep at nights and that every time he talks to me he gets an erection. I had no choice but to block his number.

This man was pushing too much, and all he wanted was for me to live with him. My father told me that he is very proud how I dealt with this man. This man did not even allow me to get to know him well. I am a Christian and he said that one of the things he admired about me is that I do not wear make-up. I told him that I wear make-up, but I do not do so every day. I only do so when I am going out on special occasions. He said he wanted a woman who was natural, so that is another reason I knew that this man and I would not get along.

Although I am a Christian, I know there is a time and place for everything. I have my mind on studying law. This man told me that he has three taxis on the road and I would never suffer if I am involved with him. He also told me how much money he collects per week from each taxi. Whether he was speaking the truth or not, he turned me off. I do not intend to get married until I can find a good Christian man who is in the church, and who will not pressure me to live with him or to have sex with him until I am married.

R.T,

Dear R.T,

You have good morals. You should always remind yourself that birds can fly over your head and you cannot do anything about that. However, you can prevent the birds from making a nest on your head.

What I am trying to say is that men are always going to be around. They will see you and you will see them. They may even try to get into a relationship with you, but if you are not inclined to allow them to get into your life, it cannot happen. Therefore, this man who saw you and was putting in his application, so to speak. You are quite right to block him.

You are right to let this man know that you do not intend to live with a man unless you are married, and he did not fit your criteria for a husband. He might have been a hindrance to your plans of getting an education.

Some people condemn women who use make-up. You are holding a balance. You use make-up when you feel that you should. You are a wise girl.

I congratulate your brothers for helping to support your parents. May the good Lord abundantly bless them. Keep strong.

Pastor